I’m sure many of us have had a relationship, or relationships that we separated ourselves from. If it was discovered in that separation that the relationship was truly injurious to our well being, then we are well rid of it.
But what if it is a true relationship – one in which each saw the value in the other – and something happened that exposed our vulnerabilities to each other. Giving rise to feelings so deep and strongly felt, that the true cause of the split, and the value held for each other, are buried and lost under those emotions. As long as those emotions rule, no reconciliation seems possible.
What follows is a very beautiful way of getting past all of that.
Ho’oponopono – A Gift to the Planet from the Hawaiian People
From Navigating the Collapse of Time by David Ian Cowan, citing Joe Vitale’s book Zero Limits, with Dr. Hew Len.
“In the ancient Hawaiian culture, whenever a member of the community fell into any kind of misfortune, whether through illness, accident, or even willful crime, the entire population sat in a circle around the person, silently searching their own hearts for how they may have contributed, even in some seemingly minor way, to the person’s suffering. Perhaps they held a judgment against this person or their family or maybe felt a secret envy or jealousy. Whatever the case, after they recognized their part and silently asked for the subject’s forgiveness, they quietly left the circle. No words were shared. In the end, when all had made their own peace, the individual sitting in the middle was healed.
As simple as this practice sounds, it works based on what we now call quantum principles – that we are all entangled or connected and therefore we cannot escape the effects of one person on the collective, or of the collective on one person. It also works on the metaphysical level……that of the One Mind asleep in the dream of suffering (our human lives). All minds, then, are joined as One.”
Dr. Len distilled this tradition of forgiveness handed down from his elders to four phrases. Think of someone or some situation that evinces a “loss of joy” however slight. Hold this subject in your mind and begin to repeat the four phrases, directing them to this mental image. You don’t have to “feel” the connection; the feeling comes after the choice to do this. Spirit is more than eager and willing to heal this relationship – even as little as 1 percent of willingness from you opens the door. (As I like to say, willingness is the key.)
You will find that when you next see this person (or are in the situation), something has changed. What has changed is that the veils of darkness between you have lifted. You are now both seeing more of your real Selves in each other. The past has melted away in the Light of Spirit that you invited into the relationship.”
Here is how we do Ho’oponopono. I invite you to join me in this loving practice.
“I love you:
We are recognizing that at a deep level we are One. We are mirrors for each other. Judging or condemning you would just be doing the same to me. You, in my perception of you, are a projection of my state of mind. Loving and forgiving you is also doing the same for me. The divisions between us are only in our imaginations. Although bodies and actions appear separate, the Mind that is expressing through all of us is the same. All behavior is either an expression of or a call for Love. So Love is the cause of everything, and the cure at the same time.
I am sorry:
Not for anything in particular that you or I have done – that would make the offense real – but for together having decided to experience separation, and for all the suffering of all of us as a result of this mutual decision. For that I am truly sorry. And I am sorry for my contribution in this way to your particular experience of suffering, confident that in our awakening and acceptance of forgiveness, we shall ultimately see all suffering washed away in an instant of healing and liberation.
Please forgive me:
Not for what it appears I have done, but for agreeing with you to create this dream of suffering and separation. Please see me as an undiluted, invulnerable, eternal, and forever joyful Spirit, as I now choose to see you. I see you as Spirit who through the majesty of your own creativity and freedom has created this opportunity to awaken and remember Love, and I trust you to love me and forgive me my illusions.
For giving us both an opportunity to heal our relationship, to heal in my mind any misperception of you as less than Divine, knowing this healing goes out to the One Mind and affects everyone and everything in Creation beyond what we can imagine. Thank you for joining with me as One Mind and healing together.”
What I find so compelling is the beauty and simplicity of those last four paragraphs. And that there is not one word of either self or accusatory blame for either party. Instead, what he appeals to is the Reason of the Mind, the Love and Compassion of the Heart and the Values and Purity of Intent of the Soul.
What could be more nobler and beautiful than to offer two people a possible path to reconciliation? Does it work? Does it matter? If it does work, great. Both have a reconciliation with a valued Friend. Perhaps now with a greater understanding between us. But even if the relationship remains nothing more than a memory, it has given us the opportunity to discover the use of our complete Human Spirit in a healthy, constructive manner – free of the emotions of blame and recrimination.
What a beautiful discovery to realize.